Our sweet little Maisie (may-zee) Kay came right on her due date, September 13th 2017, at 10:10 am weighing 7lbs 12 oz. It still feels so surreal that SHE is the little person I was growing in my belly. For the last 9 months Scott and I have wondered about what she looks like, what her little personality will be… and now that she is here, everything about her feels so familiar to me.
Giving birth was a lot different than I expected. I always thought it would be this amazing spiritual moment where I have this instant connection with my baby and all is right in the world and I feel like a superwoman who could accomplish anything. It actually was more of a disorienting overwhelming emotional what the heck is going on experience. It was the hardest 16 hours of my life, but I would do it again 100 times over. Scott and I wanted to write down what we remembered while it was still fresh. His thoughts are in bold.
Everyone always says your first comes late. So even though I was counting down the days to her due date, I was totally prepared to have to wait another few days or even a week to meet her. The week of her due date approached and I really had no symptoms of labor coming anytime soon.
On Tuesday September 12th I started to have what I thought could be contractions around 9am. They weren’t super painful, more like intense period cramps, so I wasn’t really sure if they were Braxton Hicks or the real deal. I texted Scott and I told him that maybe I was having contractions but I wasn’t sure and would keep him posted. I actually had plans to go get lunch with my friend Ashely but after texting her we decided to be safe and cancel for now. They were about 10-12 minutes apart and came pretty regularly for about 2 hours. Then they just stopped and I figured it was just my body getting prepared and this baby still wasn’t coming.
I had an appointment that afternoon and my doctor stripped my membranes (which actually wasn’t as painful as I heard but still not super comfortable) and told me I was dilated to a 3! We scheduled another appointment for the following week but she said she guessed the baby would probably be here by then. Which was really exciting to hear.
We got home from the doctor around 4pm and decided to go to the pool. On the very short walk over there I decided to try curb walking because I had heard that could induce labor.
We really did it as a joke haha. We were just laughing and I was curb walking too and we just wanted to see if it did anything.
I wasn’t even really trying to get this baby out and probably only did it for 5 minutes total but I started having contractions RIGHT away. I figured they were probably similar to the ones I had that morning and thought they would go away soon. Over the next 20 minutes they started coming every 2-4 minutes and even though I was still doubting they were real I decided that maybe we should just go back to our apartment. I took a shower, we made some dinner, and then watched our current obsession Suits (we are a little late to the game but we love it). I was having contractions through all of it and they were coming anywhere between 1:30 to 6 minutes apart. Around 6pm they started to get more painful and I told Scott that maybe this was real and maybe we should make sure we have everything packed just in case.
I will never forget how excited Scott got. He was jumping around the apartment, singing that we were going to have a baby and literally eating EVERYTHING.
3 corndogs, couple hard boiled eggs, bag of carrots, bowl of pasta. You know, just in case.
He reasoned that he didn’t know how long labor could be and he needed to make sure he had enough energy to stay awake for it. We always joked that we really hoped labor would start in the morning after Scott had worked out and had a good breakfast but of course we were getting the opposite. It was about 7:30pm by the time everything was packed and my contractions were definitely getting more intense and it was getting harder to talk and walk during them. My biggest fear was getting turned away at the hospital so I decided to text my doctor to get her opinion on when I should go in. Around the time she texted back saying that I could go in at anytime, it just depended on when I was ready, the app I was using to track my contractions told me “Call an ambulance or get someone to drive you to the hospital immediately” which I think they could phrase a little better. I was still so terrified about getting turned away so we decided to wait like another hour to see how they progressed. 10 minutes later we decided to just finish the 30ish minutes left in our Suits episode and then go. 5 minutes later we were loading up the car and out of the apartment.
The hospital we were delivering at is literally 2 minutes away from our apartment. It’s a little smaller but we liked the intimate feel. Well apparently all the babies in town decided to come that night because when they usually had maybe 2 babies born a day they currently had SIX. And it was only 8pm. They said they would check me out but most likely I would be sent home since they were so busy. Which was exactly what I wanted to hear.
They had me get in this gown that was honestly the most confusing in the world to put on. Scott and I could not for the life of us figure out how this thing fit together. I laugh now thinking about trying to get me in while having to stop every 90 seconds for a contraction to pass. But thankfully we got it on and I remember thinking if they send us away I am going to ask if I can just wear this home since I have no idea how I would get it back on.
The nurse FINALLY came to check on me around 8:45pm. Even though I was in so much pain and pretty annoyed that we had to wait so long I was trying to be nice and smiling back at her when she talked to me. She took this as meaning I wasn’t really in labor since I could still smile so I decided that was the end of me trying to be nice. She checked me out and I could have cried when she said I was still only at a 3. The contractions were SO painful now and I didn’t understand why I hadn’t dilated more. I think the nurse could tell I was on the verge of breaking down so she told me Scott and I should make laps around the hospital for an hour and hopefully the walking could help me progress more and maybe then they could check us in after that. But no promises.
That hour was terrible. I couldn’t make it through a lap without stopping to lean on Scott while a contraction hit. I remember telling him if we get sent home I don’t understand when we would know when come back because they were so painful. Most of my friends were at like a 6 when they got checked in and I was only at half of that! So maybe I just had a way lower pain tolerance than most which made me feel really great.
After the longest hour ever, the nurse checked me out and I was at a 4! She said we could stay and she instantly became my favorite person ever and all was forgiven for judging me for smiling.
While I was sitting up ready to get a giant needle shoved in my back I started to feel something warm going on down there. I told the nurse I think I was peeing and I was really sorry but I couldn’t stop and she told me that my water was actually breaking! Yay! That meant a baby was coming really soon right? I got the epidural, got cleaned up and laid back down and waited for it to kick in. By 1:30am I was in HEAVEN. I don’t do drugs but after getting an epidural I totally see why people are drug addicts. My legs were all tingly and warm and I was so happy and content. If I was delirious from pain before, I was delirious now from pleasure and I was feeling AMAZING.
Some classic Cassie quotes – “I want to marry my epidural.” (Speaking to the anesthesiologist) “You have the best job in the whole world, you just go around and make people so happy.”
I was able to sleep for a bit and a nurse came in to check on me around 3:30am. I WAS STILL ONLY AT A FOUR. And to top it off they had found meconium (babies first poop) in my water when it broke and said there was a good chance she had swallowed some (gross Maisie). They said it wasn’t a big deal and it was actually good they had caught it now and they would be prepared to deal with it when she came out.
At 4am they started me on Pitocin to help get me dilating since I hadn’t progressed at all in the last 5 hours. At 4:30am I threw up. That was fun. But figured I was throwing up all pregnancy so it only made sense I threw up during labor too.
At 6:15am I was a 6! It was working! And at 6:45am I was an 8! This baby was coming! The videographer arrived around 7:45am and by 9am I was at a 9.5! I felt like after nothing happening all night, everything was happening super fast. Then my epidural started to wear off and I got another taste of what natural delivery was like. It was terrible by the way. By 8:50 am I was miserable and at a 10. The contractions were so strong and painful they were making me cry and I really didn’t know how I was supposed to withstand these and THEN push a baby out of me. They got my epidural going again but because I was so close to pushing they didn’t want to give me too much. It helped a little. But it still wasn’t great. Finally, at 9:30am they told me it was time to start pushing!
GUYS PUSHING IS NO JOKE. Oh my goodness it was THE most tiring thing I have ever done in my life. For me it wasn’t painful, just exhausting. They had me push three times for 10 seconds each (I swear my nurse was THE slowest counter in the world) and then rest and wait for another contraction. Every time I laid back on the bed I remember thinking “there is no way I can do that again.” But then every time I started to feel a contraction I got up and pushed this baby as hard as I could. I was so out of it I figured I had been pushing for days at this point. Scott kept telling me how great I was doing how proud he was of me. I remember him telling me he could see hair! Lots of it! The nurse said it looked red and Scott said it looked green. Thankfully it was neither.
Cassie was absolutely amazing. It looked like the most tiring thing in the world as she described it. The nurse asked me to be on one side of Cassie and push her leg into her chin for the ten seconds of pushing. So I had a full view of everything going on. It looked horrible and very painful but thankfully, as Cassie said, she couldn’t feel any of it. The first time I saw something coming, I for sure didn’t think it was a head. It could have been a ball of dust, or poop, or anything as far as I could tell. And it was mostly green haha!! Eventually I could tell it was hair but the head was so lumpy and I just didn’t understand what part of the head it could be (because its not a normal head, it’s a newborn cone head haha). Each break I would go to Cassie’s head and tell her how amazing she was doing and that I could see Maisie coming! By the end she was not opening her eyes at all and I’ve never seen such exhaustion. It didn’t really feel yet like a baby was coming, that was going to be mine. I was for sure still in 100% surreal mode.
During the last couple pushes I was determined to give it everything I had. I was SO ready to meet my baby but I was also just so ready for this all to be over. Me and labor are not friends and it was time to put an end to it. At 10:10am with one final push Maisie was out!! And before I knew it they were putting her on me and wiping her off. That was the most surreal moment of my life and I don’t think I have ever cried harder. I was so exhausted and disoriented and there was this little tiny person on my belly. And just seconds before, she had been in my belly! It just didn’t feel real. They took her away right after to start working on her lungs and it was probably the hardest thing to just sit and watch everyone running around. Scott was over with her and kept assuring me that everything was alright and she was healthy but really I couldn't comprehend anything. I just wanted to see her face. I just wanted to hold my baby.
The final push is when all chaos broke out. I feel like you have to experience birth to know what I mean. She came out in such a rush. Head (very misshapen and weird looking), arms, body, legs all jumbled up... and then she was here! I could not believe it. She cried which is of course what every parent wants to hear, lungs working! And then Cassie just started crying so hard and I didn’t know what to do. Since meeting Cassie, I had one clear priority in my life – Cassie. And then in one incredibly fast moment, there were competing priorities. Do I count fingers and toes on Maisie, or do I hold Cassie’s hand and wipe away her tears? Cassie in this moment, reminded me of how she reacted when we got engaged. When I got down on one knee she just kept saying “This isn’t real” and never really looked down at me for the first few minutes. Similarly during birth, I feel like she didn’t really look at Maisie- it was just too much for her. She couldn’t process all of the emotions that come with having her own baby and instead was just in shock. It was all just a whirlwind. The nurses kept saying so many things and Cassie just wanted to know if Maisie was ok and healthy, but she couldn’t really comprehend anything the nurses were saying back.
Even though Maisie was out there was still A LOT left to come out of Cassie. The doctor handed me a pair of scissors and I didn’t know what to do with them and it was the most chaotic moment of my life. I remember the nurse asking me something and I just stared at her for 5 seconds having no idea what to answer and thinking, “Why are you asking me this, what the heck is going on!??!?!”
Even though Maisie was out there was still A LOT left to come out of Cassie. The doctor handed me a pair of scissors and I didn’t know what to do with them and it was the most chaotic moment of my life. I remember the nurse asking me something and I just stared at her for 5 seconds having no idea what to answer and thinking, “Why are you asking me this, what the heck is going on!??!?!”
Then as Cassie said they took Maisie away to suck out her lungs. Some of my friends who have kids told me how much nurses just manhandle your newborns so that prepared me pretty well for all of that. While she was there I just kept trying to get Maisie to hold my hand. If I could feel her strength in her little hand through her grip I knew she would be ok. But honestly I was never worried about her health, or “making it” or anything like that. I knew she would be ok. What concerned me the most was looking back at Cassie who was still be worked on by the nurses and doctor. There was a trash can below her full who the heck knows what, a cord still hanging out of her, she’s still crying, getting stitched up and then started throwing up again and I could just not believe what she had just gone through.
That was the emotion that hit me first. Gratitude for Cassie. She was (is) so amazing. She was so strong, and I know she can do anything. And she will do anything for our sweet little Maisie. I had expected to just bawl at the site of her birth, but there was just too much concern and chaos (I’ve used that word a lot). I was of course emotional and tears came as they cleaned Maisie up but I expected something different, like what happens in the birth video Cassie made of our friends Connor and Tycee's birth. When they handed Baker to Tycee, Connor just bursts into tears overwhelmed with love and joy. I don’t think that feeling came for me till much later when things calmed down. I was taking a picture (I think the first one we sent out) of Cassie holding Maisie and I couldn’t stop crying as I looked at the two most important women in my life.
About 20 minutes later they finally put her on my chest and I got to really meet her! She had so much hair! And she had my nose. It was my sweet little girl and even though I was so nauseated (I had thrown up a few times right after labor- poor Scott didn’t know who to comfort me or Maisie) and exhausted and more than a little out of it- I knew it was a moment I wanted to remember forever. Sadly, she still was having trouble breathing so they had to take her back to work on her lungs a little more. I was looking forward to skin to skin time the most so I was really sad to not get as much of it, but I can assure you since then we have more than made up for lost time.
After her lungs were all cleared up and she got a nice bath, she was put back in my arms and we got ready to head up to the “couplet care” rooms upstairs. The first day was pretty rough. I think I want to save that for another day since this post is already a novel, but I think it is something important to talk about. So be on the look out for that.
The important thing though, is she is here and healthy. And the most perfect baby in the world. I am absolutely obsessed with her and I can’t believe she is mine! It has been 5 days and I already don’t remember what life before her was like.She is sleeping right next to me in her cozy dockatot and nothing has ever felt more right. I have never felt more fulfilled than I do as mother. I don't know how to fully describe it but it's like everything in my life has led up to me being her mom.
Scott is currently on paternity leave and I don’t want to think about him going back to work because it has been so amazing bonding together as a family. I am currently looking into figuring out a way for him to stay home with us all day but still make money. If anyone has any ideas, please pass them along.
We love you sweet Maisie Kay! Can’t wait to watch you grow but also would be fine if you stayed this tiny and perfect forever.
That was the emotion that hit me first. Gratitude for Cassie. She was (is) so amazing. She was so strong, and I know she can do anything. And she will do anything for our sweet little Maisie. I had expected to just bawl at the site of her birth, but there was just too much concern and chaos (I’ve used that word a lot). I was of course emotional and tears came as they cleaned Maisie up but I expected something different, like what happens in the birth video Cassie made of our friends Connor and Tycee's birth. When they handed Baker to Tycee, Connor just bursts into tears overwhelmed with love and joy. I don’t think that feeling came for me till much later when things calmed down. I was taking a picture (I think the first one we sent out) of Cassie holding Maisie and I couldn’t stop crying as I looked at the two most important women in my life.
About 20 minutes later they finally put her on my chest and I got to really meet her! She had so much hair! And she had my nose. It was my sweet little girl and even though I was so nauseated (I had thrown up a few times right after labor- poor Scott didn’t know who to comfort me or Maisie) and exhausted and more than a little out of it- I knew it was a moment I wanted to remember forever. Sadly, she still was having trouble breathing so they had to take her back to work on her lungs a little more. I was looking forward to skin to skin time the most so I was really sad to not get as much of it, but I can assure you since then we have more than made up for lost time.
After her lungs were all cleared up and she got a nice bath, she was put back in my arms and we got ready to head up to the “couplet care” rooms upstairs. The first day was pretty rough. I think I want to save that for another day since this post is already a novel, but I think it is something important to talk about. So be on the look out for that.
The important thing though, is she is here and healthy. And the most perfect baby in the world. I am absolutely obsessed with her and I can’t believe she is mine! It has been 5 days and I already don’t remember what life before her was like.She is sleeping right next to me in her cozy dockatot and nothing has ever felt more right. I have never felt more fulfilled than I do as mother. I don't know how to fully describe it but it's like everything in my life has led up to me being her mom.
Scott is currently on paternity leave and I don’t want to think about him going back to work because it has been so amazing bonding together as a family. I am currently looking into figuring out a way for him to stay home with us all day but still make money. If anyone has any ideas, please pass them along.
We love you sweet Maisie Kay! Can’t wait to watch you grow but also would be fine if you stayed this tiny and perfect forever.
