Warning: this post is a combination of rambling and too many pictures and pretty much just a walk down college memory lane. Skim at your own risk. Or just skip to the end where I (hopefully) tie everything together.
(I know I looked possessed but I really was happy to be drinking my celebratory oreo milkshake.)
Two days ago I took my last. final. ever.
I am done with college. Saying that doesn't feel real at all. Maybe it is because my diploma has not come in the mail, or I won't be walking until April. Or maybe it is because I still have a bazillion of papers to grade and a few more projects to finish at work before Christmas break. I spent 12 hours on campus yesterday doing nothing school related...
But still. I am done. My college career has come to a close. Never will I ever take another test, go to another class, or ever have homework again! There are things I will definitely miss, but for the most part, I am so proud of myself that I made it! I did it! I finished college.
My dad called me the other day and asked me how I have changed over the past 4 1/2 years (my dad loooooves to ask his children these sorts of questions). Obviously I have changed. But I wasn't quite sure in what way.
I decided to look back on my time at BYU to figure that answer out. And guess what? You can look back with me!
That's me on my bed. In my dorm. Freshman year woooo!
I cried when my parents left. Sorry I know these pics are like SUPER good quality.
Luckily I came to BYU knowing three other freshman. My nephew and my fav twins who grew up in my ward. So it wasn't totally scary.
This was our first meal in ptown.
I came to BYU as a very dependent, boy crazy, no direction girl who hadn't ever had to really work for anything. I was very blessed in having a wonderful mother and father who provided it all. So college was kind of a rude awakening. I was 18 but I still had a looooot of growing up to do.
Freshman year was fun. I made friends, dated around, went to BYU games, gained a good chunk of weight, learned how to study, got a few not so good grades, picked a major, and made it through probably the hardest (emotionally and educationally) year of my life.
I don't know if there was an exact moment that I changed or some defining experience that made me grow up and mature. It was more of a gradual change. I think a lot of it happened when I got my first college job. A sports editor at BYUB.
Ok
1. I had no interest in sports whatsoever.
2, I got it because my parents cruelly forced me to start pulling my weight monetarily. Aka if I wanted to spend money other than rent, tuition, books, and groceries, I had to earn it. I know. hard life.
But getting that job was so great for me. Well not the first couple weeks. I was already feeling a little lonely in my life, but work just made it worse. I would sit in a edit bay for hours by myself. I didn't know my coworkers so I literally spent the day in silence.
Finally one of my coworkers invited me to grab dinner (maybe he was just being polite since everyone in the room was going) but they quickly became some of my greatest friends. And work turned from insanely boring to insanely fun.
I pulled many 12+ hour shifts that resulted in naps on the floor.
And of course, the editing presidency.
I guess if I had to pick one event that really did have an impact on me, it would be studying abroad in London.
I got into the film program. It was fun, but I didn't really know anyone (see a pattern there? It takes me a little bit to make friends). I started hearing about this film study abroad in London and right away I knew it was something I wanted to do. Called my parents, they were in, and it was a done deal.
But I found myself in the same position I had been in before. I was doing something new, and I wouldn't know anyone.
The night before I left for London I cried and told my dad I didn't want to go. He told me that this was going to be one amazing experience I could not miss out on just because I was scared. So I put on my big girl face and braved the unknown. (It really wasn't that dramatic. I was going to London not to war).
That's me with my bags all packed. This picture also somehow made it on to the family Christmas card... I was so mad.
London turned out to be better than I ever could have imagined. I made friends with everyone quickly, learned to love and appreciate art more fully, and became more independent. You know, since I was living in a different country than my family and all.
Embraced my inner Hufflepuff.
The above picture is the picture Scott used to show his friends when we first started dating. Just a little fun fact. Still not sure why it had to be THAT picture.
I came back from London with a new found sense of who I was, what I wanted to do, and where I was going in life. I feel like it sounds so melodramatic but it's true. London really did change me. I knew I had picked the right major, I now had friends in that major, and I was so ready to get back to school and pursue my dreams!
I also realized that I let boys influence a lot my decisions. I was focusing WAY too much attention on them and not enough on me.
So the Sunday before school started I swore off boys
Literally met Scott less than 12 hours later. Funny how life works like that?
You know the drill. We dated.
Things got more serious and I flew out to meet his fam.
We got engaged.
I got to go through the temple with two (and many more who are not pictured) of my favs.
And we got married.
I won't spend too much time on Scott. It's pretty obvious that the greatest thing about college was meeting this babe and making him my husband. Throughout all my time knowing him, he treated me with more love and respect than I had ever experienced.
And when I married him I inherited some of my best friends.
Speaking of friends- I think a lot of what kept me sane throught college was friends. No one likes feeling alone. And there were definitely times throughout the last 4 1/2 years where I felt I didn't have anyone.
People always told me that you wouldn't really keep your high school friends. I am proud to say that I proved those nay-sayers wrong. Sure we don't talk everyday but when we are al back together it is like nothing has changed. We have always made time to see each other from one break to the next and it is so fun to see how each of us have begun to figure our lives out.
Another group of friends who have kept me sane were the wonderful ones I grew up with. I always assumed everyone had cool wards but I am beginning to think I lucked out. And it helped that a lot of them were up at BYU with me!
Ok this post has become so long and all over the place but the answer to my dad's questions is YES YES YES I HAVE CHANGED.
I have learned more than I thought I could at BYU. Of course I learned a lot of school related stuff. But I have learned a lot about myself as well. I think the biggest thing I have learned is how to deal with life's curveballs.
My life is not perfect. There are many things I wish I could have changed. I wish I would have lost my freshman pounds a little faster. I wish would have been nicer and taken advantage of possible friendships, I wish that some friendships didn't have to end in the way they did, I wish I would have bought a camera earlier instead of relying on iPhone pics for 95% of college, I wish I would have figured out what I wanted to do earlier instead of waisting time, I wish a lot of things were different.
But that's life. TIME TRAVELING DOESN'T EXIST. You can't just have a magic undo button. There are no do overs. So when something doesn't go your way you can a) regret it and waist a lot of time thinking about it or b) get over it. Take what you have learned and use it next time life throws you something you can't deal with.
I know I am not good with change. I freak out. I like knowing what is ahead. I like being able to plan and expect what is coming next. Well right now my future is one big fat question mark and that is ok. I am excited to see where life goes. And I am so excited that I don't have to do it alone.
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